The Choice Point: Learning to Get Unhooked and Move Toward What Matters

Starting therapy can feel like stepping into unfamiliar territory.
You might wonder: “Where do I even start? What’s wrong with me? Why do I keep falling back into the same patterns?”

Maybe you’ve noticed that no matter how hard you try to stay positive, manage stress, or keep things under control, you still end up feeling anxious, flat, or disconnected. You push through work deadlines, take care of everyone else, and still go to bed thinking, “I didn’t do enough.”

That’s not failure — it’s human. And it’s exactly where we begin in therapy.

Why We Get “Hooked”

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there’s a phrase we use — getting hooked.

You get hooked when painful thoughts or emotions pull you off track and start running the show. It’s like they grab your attention and tug you away from what really matters.

For example:

• A perfectionist might think, “If I don’t get this right, I’ll disappoint everyone,” and then stay up all night rewriting emails or over-preparing.

• A parent might think, “I’m a terrible mum/dad because I lost my patience again,” and then withdraw or overcompensate.

• An expat might feel lonely or inadequate and think, “I should be handling this better,” before throwing themselves into work or staying busy to avoid the ache of homesickness.

These “hooks” often come with strong emotions — anxiety, guilt, shame, fear — and our natural instinct is to get rid of them.

This is what ACT calls experiential avoidance — the attempt to escape, numb, control, or avoid uncomfortable inner experiences.

It makes sense. Who wouldn’t want to escape pain? But the problem is, avoidance only works for a moment. It soothes temporarily while keeping us trapped in cycles that distance us from the kind of person we want to be.

Away Moves and Towards Moves

Every time you notice distress — that’s a Choice Point. You’re standing between two directions:

• Away Moves: Actions driven by avoidance, fear, or self-criticism.
  ✧ Example: You feel anxious about a deadline, so you overwork, shut down emotionally, or withdraw from others.
  ✧ Short-term relief, but long-term disconnection.

• Towards Moves: Actions aligned with your values and who you want to be — even when discomfort is still present.
  ✧ Example: You feel anxious, but you take a mindful breath, reach out for help, or prioritise rest because you value balance and care.
  ✧ Short-term challenge, long-term growth and connection.

Therapy isn’t about pretending the “away” thoughts or feelings disappear. It’s about learning how to unhook from them so they no longer steer your behaviour.

Learning to Get Unhooked

When we’re hooked, our mind says things like:

• “You can’t handle this.”

• “You’re not good enough.”

• “You’ll never get it right.”

And without noticing, we act from those thoughts — we overwork, avoid conflict, numb out, or try to control everything.

In ACT, learning to get unhooked means developing the ability to see your thoughts and emotions for what they are — just thoughts and emotions — not absolute truths or orders you have to obey.

We do this through three key skills:

1️⃣ Acceptance

Instead of fighting the pain, we make room for it. Acceptance doesn’t mean liking it — it means acknowledging what’s there, kindly. It allows energy once spent resisting to be redirected into what truly matters.

2️⃣ Mindfulness

Mindfulness is about noticing the present moment with openness and curiosity. It helps you observe your experience — thoughts, sensations, feelings — without getting swept away. It’s the “pause” that lets you choose your next move.

3️⃣ Defusion

Defusion means “stepping back” from your thoughts — seeing them as passing mental events, not commands.
For example:

• Instead of “I’m a failure,” try “I’m having the thought that I’m a failure.”
  This small shift creates space between you and your thoughts, giving you freedom to act from your values rather than your fears.

These three skills work together to help you notice when you’re hooked, unhook from self-critical thoughts, and move toward what feels meaningful.

What We Do Next in Therapy

As therapy progresses, we begin to map out your Choice Points — recognising when you’re pulled into old patterns versus when you’re moving toward the life you want to live.

Together, we explore:

• What hooks you most often (certain emotions, beliefs, or situations).

• The “away moves” that keep you stuck (overworking, shutting down, self-blame, avoidance).

• The “towards moves” that align with your deeper values (connection, rest, authenticity, compassion).

Gradually, you learn how to stay with discomfort without letting it dictate your choices. You begin to trust that pain doesn’t have to be eliminated before you can move forward — it can be held gently, alongside courage and growth.

How This Links With the SAFE Method™

At MindfulTrack, we integrate ACT with the SAFE Method™ (Self-Awareness • Acceptance • Facing • Embodiment) — helping you not only understand your patterns but embody new ways of being.

Through this process, you:

• Build awareness of when you’re hooked.

• Develop acceptance and compassion for your inner experiences.

• Face fears safely, with guidance.

• Begin to live more fully — aligned with what truly matters to you.

The SAFE Method™ provides the steady, supportive structure that makes ACT work feel safe, grounded, and deeply personal.

Moving Toward What Matters

If you’ve spent years managing anxiety, perfectionism, or disconnection by working harder, doing more, or holding everything together — maybe it’s time to try something different.

You don’t need to erase your thoughts or silence your emotions. You just need to learn to meet them — and still move towards what matters most to you.

✨ Therapy isn’t about fixing you. It’s about helping you get unhooked from what holds you back — so you can show up as the person you already are, underneath all the noise.