The idea of accepting ourselves is often presented as a cornerstone of wellbeing. Yet, in practice, many find that it is precisely in the moments when they most need self-acceptance that it feels utterly out of reach. Why does extending compassion inward so often feel more threatening than soothing?

We all know that small unpleasant voice: “You should have done better” . For many people that voice is habitual — loud, sticky, and unhelpful. Self-compassion is a different way of responding and it’s also one of the best-studied, science-backed ways to reduce self-criticism and improve emotional resilience.

There’s a teaching from the Buddhist philosophy that has shaped the way I think about suffering, both in my own life and in the lives of the people I work with. It’s called the parable of the two arrows...